1. The purpose of qualifying
2. Implicit Qualifying
3. Indirect Qualifying
4. Cocky & Funny Qualifying
5. Direct Qualifying
6. Phase-shifting to RAPPORT
1. The Purpose of Qualifying
The process of QUALIFYING conveys that you're the selector without saying it outright. It basically shows that you hold standards and expectations of women you get involved with, and sows seeds of doubt in her mind about whether she "qualifies" to be with you. This is beneficial because it sets up that you're a challenge, and that SHE has to prove herself to YOU.
Most men follow the opposite strategy, and try as hard as they can to prove themselves to the woman. They brag about their accomplishments, their educations, or their jobs, they ask what she likes in a guy and then say "Oh, I'm like that" and give examples, etc. They look for her approval in their statements, like when saying something and following it up with "right?" or "Don't you agree?" They say things like "Give me a chance, you won't regret it" or "What have you got to lose by going out with me?" They compare themselves to her other options, saying crap like "Oh I'll treat you better than those other guys". They do everything possible to show that they're "good enough" for her.
When a man does these things for a woman, what does all that communicate? It communicates that SHE is the prize, the one with higher social value, and that he's trying to prove his social value to HER. Social-proofing yourself (bragging or trying to prove your worth) is ALWAYS a bad move for this reason. Remember, the key to pick-up is to prove that you are cooler than the girl. If you're the one trying to prove your social worth to her it sets her up as being cooler than you, and you fail.
Qualifying is extremely powerful because it implicitly puts YOU in the frame of the selector, and her in the frame of the selectee. Most beautiful women will have never seen this in their entire lives, so when a man comes along and steals her selector frame she's totally unprepared for it. If you assert the frame powerfully she won't have any choice but to be drawn into it by default, and she'll find herself trying to qualify herself to you.
Another benefit is that by getting her to worry if she's good enough for YOU, she won't have time to worry about whether you're good enough for HER.
The first step in being good at qualifying women is to have STANDARDS (this is covered in the first phase, ATTITUDE). KNOW what you want in a woman's appearance and personality, and make it clear to yourself. Then when you meet a woman you'll be in a much better position to qualify her to see if she meets your standards. The trouble with most men is that the only clear standard they hold is that they want a beautiful woman. When they can see right away that a woman's beautiful, they're SOLD, and they have nothing else to qualify her against. SHE then becomes the selector because they've already been sold on the goods. The truth is that out of every 10 women attractive enough to catch your eye, only 1 or 2 will actually be good matches for you sexually, in a relationship, or as friends. So learn to look at beauty as only one standard out of many.
There are three important rules to qualifying:
1. The most important thing about qualifying is that you do it only AFTER you've attracted her. If she's not that interested in you and you say something like "I prefer ADVENTUROUS women. Are you adventurous?" she might be a shy girl and think "Ok, I'm not what he's looking for", and she'll lose interest and slot you in the friends category in her head. But if you've already got her hella interested in you and attracted, THEN you say something like that, she'll try to prove herself to you by talking about the time she went parasailing on vacation, or that time she got up in front of everybody and danced on the speaker, etc.
2. Unless you've already completely ruled out the woman as a potential (like she's fat but you only date skinny women), the best qualifying statements ALWAYS leave the woman a way to qualify herself. If she's a blonde, don't say something like "I don't like blondes", because she can't do much about that. But if you say "I like women who are fun to be around and joke a lot", she can start telling jokes and being more animated to win your approval. As much as possible, keep your qualifying statements a little ambiguous. Saying "I prefer women with IQs over 140" will automatically shoot her down if she tested at 128. But saying "I prefer smart women who can hold an intellectual conversation" gives her a way to start bringing up deeper conversation topics that show her intellect.
Once you have your standards nailed down, you've got the green light to begin qualifying women. There are several ways to do this.
2. Implicit Qualifying
Implicit qualifying involves showing approval after the fact (after she says or does something). It implies that you're evaluating her. It usually comes as a surprise to a woman, because she probably had no idea you were even sizing her up until you said it; she probably thought in her mind that it was HER doing the qualifying.
. "You seem cool. I think we may end up really liking each other." "SEEM", "MAY". Talking like this subcommunicates that you're evaluating her according to your standards, and you haven't decided yet. She still has to prove herself to you.
. START TO USE THE "POINTS" SYSTEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! Steal the frame by saying, every time she demonstrates behavior or says something you approve of, "Wow, you're scoring points with me" or "100 points for that one". How many times have you heard this statement from a woman? This turns the game around on the woman and signals that YOU are the qualifier.
. "So many people are so judgmental about things. You seem really open and fun".
. (Says something stupid) Reply C&F: "How can you say that? I was just starting to like you."
. "You know, maybe I was wrong about you. At first I thought you were _______, but now I see that you're actually ________. That's cool."
Another form of implicit qualifying is through body language. For example, you could fold your arms and then ask an innocent question in a slightly suspicious tone, while maintaining powerful eye contact. Even though the question you asked may be innocuous, the manner in which you asked it will get her thinking that you're carefully evaluating/qualifying her answer.
3. Indirect Qualifying
Indirect qualifying involves talking about women in general terms, and not directing the qualifying process directly at her. You're stating your standards matter-of-factly and not targeting HER specifically, but in her head she's wondering if SHE measures up to them. Here are some examples:
. You get on the subject of dating, and you say "You know, I find it funny when women think all they need to impress me is LOOKS. Just once I'd like to meet a pretty girl with a friendly, cool personality too."
. "I'm just sick of it you know, girls have NOTHING to say. They think that just because they look good that's enough. But it's NOT! You know, beauty is common in this city, but what's rare is a great personality. A great personality can really make dealing with someone more interesting."
. "I want a woman who really EXCITES ME. I don't want to get involved with someone unless they really blow me away. Before I give my time and energy to anyone they've got to PROVE TO ME that they have some great qualities. And, if someone can do that I'll give it back to them in spades. I'll give them experiences that most women only get to fantasize about because I can appreciate a good thing when I see it."
. If you've talked about the topic of sex, here's an indirect sexual qualifying statement: "A lot of women out there LOOK good, but the sad fact is they're LOUSY in bed. They never had a reason to be good in bed, because guys will still want to sleep with them based on their looks. A woman who not only LOOKS good, but can make my toes curl in bed, is the kind of woman I'm looking for."
4. Cocky and Funny Qualifying
C&F is great for qualifying, because a woman might not know if you're joking or not.
. Lean back and look at her analytically, without saying anything. When she says "What?? What is it?", pause a second then say "I'm still trying to figure out if I really like you or not." Then smile like a sly devil.
. "I can tell you're a woman with great taste." (How do you know?) "Because you laugh at my jokes!" (laughs) "See? Just like that!"
. "Are you rich? I need a rich woman to support me. No? Okay do you have cable? Great! So I can watch afternoon soaps."
. "Are you a BAD girl?? Yeah right, whatever.You're like "PG13" bad.You can't hang with me unless you're FOR REAL.Are you adventurous?" (yes) "Are you spontaneous?" (yes) "Good, because I can't hang out with someone who isn't spontaneous. What's the most adventurous thing you've ever done? Really, you did X-ACTIVITY?? hmm.OK MAYBE you're cool."
. "We could never be together, because I wouldn't take your shit, and you wouldn't take MY shit. We'd fight all the time and I'D WIN".
. "How old are you?" (tells age) "(repeat age)??? I thought you were at least (add 5 years to number she gave). That's okay though, I can handle older women!"
. (when she does something you dont like) "Well, its just not working out between us. No more sex for you, no more kisses, no more cuddling, until you're a good girl!"
. "To me, a girl has to be honest. She has to be smart and flirty and playful and fun. She has to have good friends and family that she loves so she's not needy. And she has to be able to fix cars and pay my bills. Can you fix cars?" (No) "Well, you have the cutest little (accent/voice/sense of style) so I'll keep talking to you anyway."
. "You know, you're pretty cool. I could actually get to like you. But don't get any ideas, cause I'm not that easy."
5. Direct Qualifying
Direct qualifying makes it clear to the woman: You're seeing if she's good enough to be with you. Direct qualifying is often heavily shit-tested. If you find yourself being shit-tested on it, ignore the shit-test and just repeat the initial qualifying statement, to show that you mean business.
. "Are you in any kind of therapy? I don't like dating women with too many emotional problems." This approach to qualifying is a little strong, and it's akin to a woman asking a man straight out "How much money is in your bank account??" But it's direct and to the point, and weeds out problem women fast. If you're going to use it, smile as you say it and ask it in a matter-of-fact way.
. "QuickName 3 things about yourself that you think are attractive that have NOTHING to do with your physical appearance."
. "Yeah you're hot, but one thing I've learned from living in Montrealis that beauty is commonbut people with a great energyand a great attitudeand a great outlook on life are rareand they're worth working to get to know better What's YOUR outlook on life?"
. "I'm not sure if you could handle me.Most women can't handle me. They fall in love and then turn needy. And I can't stand women who're needy."
. If a woman constantly shit-tests you: "One thing I don't tolerate is drama.You seem like you might be drama, so I'm not sure you're gonna make the cut". If she shit-tests you on that, come back with "See? More drama. You just can't be laid back and take things easy."
. "You could never be my girlfriend. I think you're just too sweet for me. Then again, the sweet ones are the keepers."
. Complains that she can't find a man: "What's wrong with you, that nobody's asking you out?"
. "You know what? I have to ask you, were you ever a fat girl in high school? Because fat girls develop the best personality. You have a fat girl personality."
One great thing about qualifying a woman is that once you qualify her and she meets the standards, she then has to be CONGRUENT to those standards. If you ask her "Are you spontaneous and adventurous?" and she answers yes, then when you move in to kiss her she gets all shy and pulls away, you can point out the inconsistencies in her behavior. "I thought you were spontaneous and adventurous!" She has no choice but to admit she was bullshitting (and fail to qualify), or to follow through.
Keep in mind that the qualifying statements above are just examples. Once you've decided on your standards and what you want in a woman, come up with your own implicit, indirect, C&F, and direct qualifying statements for each quality.
6. Phase-shifting to RAPPORT
It's important not to overdo the qualifying phase. Sometimes just a simple phrase like "You SEEM cool" will be enough to get the message across that you're the one doing the choosing. Especially in a street pickup situation where you don't have much time, you don't want to waste too much time on qualifying when you're better off building attraction and rapport as much as you can. As soon as you've issued a qualifying statement (perhaps two for stuck-up women), watch for rapport-seeking cues from the woman, then move on to the Rapport phase.